Engaging Women in Meaningful Conversations Makes Community

On this beautiful spring day, I decided to spend some time at the Royal Botanical Gardens in Burlington, Ontario. The lilacs were in full bloom and I wanted to treat my senses. There I was in a grove of lilac bushes, with over 800 different cultivar taking in the different purples, blues, whites and greens and wishing there was a way to capture the delicious fragrance that are so unique to lilacs. I was so grateful to have taken the moment to slow down and take this all in. I commented to a woman next to me that I wished I could somehow bottle the smell. This turned into an education about cancer prevention that I wasn’t expecting and was willing to hear. The woman’s name was Jennifer, a member and regular visitor of the RBG and someone with a mission to educate people about the chemical toxins that are in all of our consumable products – the food we eat and the personal care products we use. She shared with me a past experience that taught her that sometimes a negative turns into a positive. When she was 18, she was in car accident that should have claimed her life but she was spared. She was driving her father’s car wrecklessly, wishing it was the convertible her friend’s father had just bought her. Looking back, she knows that it was her father’s choice in vehicles that saved her life. At this point in her life she has taken up the purposeful task of educating people on cancer prevention and wishes to someday write a book about all of the information she has uncovered. She is a role model for chemical-free living and limits her own exposure to cancer-causing agents by consuming only natural and organic products.

What are you most proud of?

To be honest, I missed this question. And I wish I had asked it. This woman had a great sense of pride about her, a countenance that spoke of purpose, clarity and determination. Much to be proud of and yet I wonder what stands out most for her.

I wish I had…

“I wish I had my own swimming pool like I used to have. I wish I had more friends in my condo. I wish I had 5 pounds off but then I look at very overweight people and I think well… I wish I had a man in my life that doesn’t want to move in, ‘cause I don’t want them moving in. I wish I had a sister who was talking to me – we’re not talking right now. She lives 10 minutes from here but we don’t see each other. You notice there’s nothing I’m wishing for that’s related to money and material things are not a part of that either.”

What makes you happy?

“Being here – being right here makes me happy. For every person I reach with this cancer prevention information makes me happy. I can’t control what people buy but I can give them the information and they can make the decision from there. So that’s what makes me happy.”

What makes you sad?

“My son lives in Toronto and I don’t get to see him as much as I’d like. But he was living in England and then he came back to Toronto, that made me happy. Sad… hmmm… I don’t know, not a lot of things make me sad.”

What do you fear?

“Flying and I used to travel a great deal. I fear the holocaust that we’re living in. People are being poisoned every day and I want to help them, I want to educate people. I want to teach. That’s basically what I fear. Ummm, snow storms – I feel trapped inside. I fear things that are going on in the world and I hope they don’t affect Canada, like tsunamis, earthquakes, natural disasters that are going on in the rest of the world. I don’t dwell on it – I just hope it doesn’t happen here.”

What inspires you?

“The fact that I’ve got good health and I’ve got energy to do what I want and go where I like. I’m seeing a good play tomorrow – so concerts and plays, good movies, stuff like that and coming to the gardens. And talking to people – I love it.”

Who is your hero?

“God, God is my hero. And my Dad, I think he was my hero. He didn’t get that convertible. And now that I could get one, I don’t even want one. They’re not that safe and imagine a woman alone driving a convertible, anyone can get into the car at any time.”

What do you long for?

“A man in my life that doesn’t want to move in with me. I don’t want someone with me all the time. I need space, my independence.”

My best advice is…

“Take the information that I have for people and not buy those products. To live a clean, chemical-free life and de-tox everyday with lemon juice and water. That would be my best advice: to figure out a way not to buy these products.”

What question should I ask you now?

“I don’t know. I think you’ve covered it all.”

I appreciate all of the information Jennifer had to share. I found some of it pretty overwhelming to be honest and was conscious of her impact on me as well as my experience of sensory overload from the lilac grove. The care and keeping of ourselves and our loved ones is a priority. There’s a lot of information out there. We can’t possibly take it all in and it’s a good thing we have people like Jennifer who share what they know.

Authenticity. What does that mean? It’s a word near and dear to me over the past several years as I’ve been more conscious of who I am and living my life as an outer expression of my inner self. For me, my heart speaks volumes and when I allow myself to speak from that place I experience the truth of my authenticity. Sure, it feels really vulnerable – it’s courageous to live a life of authenticity. And there’s a delicious richness to it that makes it worth the risk. “…when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.”(Brené Brown)

Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and professor. She has spent the past ten years studying a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness, looking at: “How do we engage in our lives from a place of authenticity, spirit, and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to embrace our imperfections and to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging and joy?”. Much of her work has been centred around what she refers to as “the universal experience” of shame and how it keeps us disconnected. I get it. Within each of us is some element of shame, that has us feel different, not good enough, and ultimately holds us separate and disconnected from others.

My daughter has a book about a hamster named Lola who is seeking the right moment to share her “special words”. Towards the end of the book she is about to burst, as she has held back many times because the timing wasn’t quite right. Finally she spills at the end of the book saying “I love you, I love you, I love you” to her mom and dad and nods off contentedly to sleep knowing the words are always there on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be shared. Sweet little hamster.

The words are always there, if we stop long enough to listen and to speak them. What words are on the tip of your tongue? Are you ready to burst?

My daughter Annie greeted me with this card this morning. Need I say more? I am truly blessed to be Mom to both my son and my daughter.

Enjoy this day, nurturers and caretakers of the world!